So you’ve hit rock bottom.
You’re staring at yourself in the mirror, dumbfounded as to how you have gotten here to this point. As each moment passes, you are slowly becoming unfamiliar with the person staring back at you. Is that you? Did some doppelgänger take your place?
From the earliest you can remember, your life has been an eerie composition of crescendos and decrescendos. Yet, you feel as if it has not been enough; that dream you have been keeping to yourself is still there, untapped. You’ve played images in your mind of where you were expecting to be by now, and it pales in comparison.
Thinking back in time, in your early K-12 career, some snooty teacher asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up. The desire in your heart was yet unnamable. Why worry about something so far beyond you when all you wanted to worry about was making sure the red Legos did not touch the yellow Legos?
Yet, that seed was planted. There is a future! What an amazing concept.
Sadly, at the very moment you had awaken to this new possibility, you soon found yourself choosing from a meager display of options straight out of a Bob the Builder cartoon. The entire cast of the Village People in full regalia stood before you and danced to the tune of what your future held for you.
Fast forward a few years, another teacher wandered to your desk and placed paper in front of you, asking where you wanted to be in the next year, the next five years, and the next ten years. You’re heart raced in excitement as you began to jot down all of the wonderful, amazing things you wanted to be. You put empowering things; outrageous things. And somewhere, you truly thought that is where your life was going to lead.
Then a bunch of roller coaster-y things happened, and you felt yourself being pulled through a tunnel across the annals of space-time, dragged by an unknown force of pressure and obligation, the algamation of every voice telling you what you should do with your life. Some great advice. Some smothering. Some just plain disappointing.
And before you know it, after years of this subtle coercion and battle with your identity and your willpower, you’ve found yourself looking into this mirror, staring down another big year.
But not just any year. The mother of years!
Thirty.
The big three-oh. Dreizig. Triple ace. Musketeers and a goose egg.
You’ve been rueing this day ever since you turned 29. The day that you realize that an entire triangle of decades has passed you by, and you are now staring into the mirror, noticing the cracks and scars that paint your face like a topographical map of Westeros.
The Wall is starting to wrinkle, Kings Landing is looking a little beat up, its beginning to feel a lot like winter.
Why not just lie down on your bed and wait for the Night King to end it?
But oh… just wait my friend, because not all is lost on this battered and torn countryside. A gleam of hope is shining in the east.
The Khaleesi is coming,…
… and she’s bringing dragons!
Alright. I’ll admit. I’m a sucker for pop-culture metaphors. Perhaps a large number of you don’t care about Game of Thrones, and would prefer something a little less fan-personish.
If you’re still reading this, lets go with something that absolutely everyone can relate to.
Uhm…
How about video games?
Not a fan either?
Well tough shit! We’re going with video games!
Ahh yes! The joys of the digital world of gaming.
From your fondest of memories, you recall a time before video games had things like achievements, unlockables, and mods that turned dragons into Macho Man Randy Savage. You had the magic of high scores; a number driven by the actions you’ve taken playing the game.
As you stare listlessly into the mirror of unknown futures, you see the number posted above your head on the reflective glass and its value is far lower than what you were expecting. A frown comes across your face, and the light of the room seems a tad dimmer.
But don’t worry! Whether you acknowledge it or not… you are at least completing your objective; survival.
Isn’t that what the main goal of any game is? You may not be posted on the scoreboard in any recognizable fashion, but you’re surviving aren’t you?
But then, what about the high score?
You might not want to admit it, but…
Its just a number.
You’ve heard that one before, right? You’ve probably stated the above line to someone else who may have been depressed over the mark of another year gone by, and that was when they were just talking about age in general.
Age is a very strange thing. If you distill it down to its pure definition, it is how long your biological unit has been stumbling around this floating mass of rock without dying. As long as you aren’t dead in real life, you’re still playing the game.
And a belated congratulations, by the way!! You’ve made it this far.
*blows noisemaker*
Do you know what’s sorta neat?
Every single day that passes by, you’re beating your OWN high score at a living arcade game called life. Why compare with other peoples when you can compare against yourself? You don’t even know you are playing half the time anyways.
Many of us are so distracted playing actual video games, or sitting in a circle with other biological units, ingesting sustenance of varying nutrition and chemical makeup to trigger feelings of dopamine which equate to “I love Chipotle!”
Or, we spend our time anticipating the next big level, waiting for the boss battle to begin, and constantly worrying about what could happen if we fail. We sort of believe, as we are playing this game, there are other players we need to impress. Sometimes, we even feel like there are spectators standing behind us,… and ‘invisible audience, if you will… judging our every strategy, every action, every thought, and even every breath we take.
(Every move you make.)
But here’s the kicker.
You’re in your 30’s now, and you’re not about to run out of quarters anytime soon. This is the part of the game where the levels are bigger, the baddies are meaner, and the power-ups are larger!
Many of us still toil with fears and trauma from unfortunate experiences and regrets. They’ve come with many of us despite our desire to get rid of them. Maybe you did something that affected another biological unit, or many units at once. Perhaps they affected you in some way.
At the end of the day, acceptance is key. I mean… life is something you can never get out of alive, right? In the end, experience rules over innocence. These are merely marks on the cudgel. Extra points on the high score.
Besides, it doesn’t matter what you have done, and what you have not done. You’re here now, aren’t you? You’re at Level 30!
Time to shine on some of those fellow players of yours and show your accolades.
Oh! And that invisible audience standing behind you?
Shake em off!
Show em a trick!
Do a barrel roll!
What the hell do they know? They’re not playing your game. YOU are.
Tell them their mothers are waiting for them in the car!
…
Think you were high rolling in your 20’s. Hold on to your butts!
You’re now a lean mean working machine, accumulating all of your experience into a single drive towards a whole new tier of employment. Maybe you’re moving on to a higher pay, or you just scored that powerup toward a promotion.
And hell, say none of those things are true. Sometimes, you have to walk away with 10% of your HP, and call it a win.
At least you survived it. +1000 XP
Think your friendships were awesome in your 20’s. Step the fuck back!
You’re now a master socializer, with principles. You can look a person in the eyes while they talk, learn their personality type, and get right into the heart of the conversation. Perhaps you have long standing friends whose bonds are now truly realized.
Perhaps none of those things are true. Sometimes, you have to ride into the sunset as a lone ranger in the Mojave.
But hey; have you ever seen fucks grow in the desert?
I haven’t!
Think you’ve had great sex in your 20’s. Watch out baby, cause here comes YOU, strutting out of the gate, whipping your hair back scoring that glamour shot, sweat glistening off of your rippling bod. Straight out of the intermediates, and into the “flirty dirty”.
Perhaps none of those things are true. Sometimes, you have to stare in the mirror, pick yourself apart, and put the pieces back together.
At least you’re one step closer to loving yourself!
Think parties were great in your 20’s?
Uhm. ..
Well, yeah. They kind of were pretty great weren’t they,
but… uhm…
Now you have potlucks! =D
And everybody’s bringing the good stuff now. Not that last minute grab of cheap tortilla chips and runny salsa. I’m talking about the grade-A, cooked meal kind of food!
Jalapeno Popper Dip? Hell yeah!
Perhaps none of that is true?
…
Fine!!
If nobody else is making it, then the time has come for you to be the “Popper Dip” Crusader!
Like the sound out that? Yeah buddy! Hear the cheers in your head as you run down the street with food in hand, everyone you know heralding the bringer of the Popper Dip! Everybody will remember you for your valiant heroism for all eternity!
So buy the stuff and get cookin!
And when the party settles down, and the last bit of dip has been served, you get to reflect on all of that time you spent in those first three decades. It certainly wasn’t all bad, and even if it was, you will never have to relive them. Even if they were good and you want to relive them, you have something far greater than grade school dreaming, 8-bit, high score gaining nostalgia.
You have the present. You have thirty.
Nothing can take the present away from you unless you let it. You can, at this very moment, work towards where you want to be in the next one, five, or ten years. Even if you don’t make it all the way there, you will make it somewhere, and as long as you are making it somewhere, you are surviving. You are already beating the game!
If you want more than just survival, then don’t fall into the same rut. Learn from your mistakes from the past thirty years, and push toward that thing you want!
And most of all, never fear about failure. As always, you are going to fail striving for the things you want in life. As long as you are breathing, and as long as you are determined to change, you are placing yourself farther.
You are beating your own high score.
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